Stupid Tech Questions

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "press any key" to "press return key" because the flood of calls asking where the "any" key is.
   
   
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
   
   
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found out that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
   
   
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with xeroxed copies of the floppies.
   
   
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door.
   
   
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
   
   
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends" the customer replied. When told an Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to go find a couple of geeks."
   
   
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soapy water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
   
   
9. A Dell tech received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid." The tech explained that the computers responses shouldn't be taken so personally.
   
   
10. An exasperated caller to a Dell computer tech couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the tech asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response: "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The foot pedal turned out to be the mouse.
    
    
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked it plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch she asked "what power switch?"
    
    
12. True story from a Novell Netwire sysop
    
    CALLER: "Hello, is this tech support?"
    TECH: "Yes, it is how may I help you?"
    CALLER: "The cup holder on my pc is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting it fixed?"
    TECH: "I am sorry ,but did you say a cup holder?"
    CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer"
    TECH: "Please excuse me if I seemed stumped -- it's because I am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have a trademark on it?"
    CALLER: "It came with my computer ,I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4x'on it."
    
    At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the cd-rom drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.