HARDWARE: "Collective term for any computer­related object that can be kicked or battered when inclined to do so." ERROR MESSAGE: "Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for their program's shortcomings." COMPUTER: "Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger 'Duffy' Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Hitler became so enraged at the 'Incompatible File Format' error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM." PRINTER: "A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light."