A VISITORS' GUIDE TO KNOXVILLE

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is NOX-vul.
   
   
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Knoxville has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Knoxville. They all drive like that.
   
   
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
   
   
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
   
   
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
   
   
7. Gallaher Road can only be pronounced by a native.
   
   
8. Construction on I-40 / 75 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
   
   
9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we are in Farragut!!"
   
   
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
    
    
11. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have the right of way.
    
    
12. The minimum acceptable speed on the Pellissippi Parkway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
    
    
13. The wrought iron on windows in east Knoxville isn't ornamental.
    
    
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says," Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
    
    
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone ... people are not waving when they go by.
    
    
16. The Pellissippi Parkway is our daily version of NASCAR.
    
    
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
    
    
18. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Dogwood Arts Festival is going on.
    
    
19. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
    
    
20. Anyone within 20 miles of Knoxville on the day of a UT home game, is certifiably crazy.