Here is another installment of silly Air Force humor:

Actual maintenance complaints (squawks) submitted by pilots and the responses from the maintenance crews:

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft

Problem: Something loose in cockpit
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear
Solution: Evidence removed

Problem: Number three engine missing
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem: DME volume unbelievably load
Solution: Volume set to more believable level

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
Solution: Live bugs on order

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

Problem: IFF inoperative
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode

Problem: Frictions locks cause throttle levers to stick
Solution: That's what they're there for...