What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

       - A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

       - To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?

       - Not enough sand.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?

       - There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

       - A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

       - One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

       - They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Lawyer's creed:

       - A man is innocent until proven broke.

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?

       - Lipstick.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?

       - Skeet.

It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)

       - I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

 A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

      "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
      "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
      "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

       - You shoot the lawyer.

      Twice.

A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."