ASTROLOGICAL PRAYERS

ARIES
Dear God, please give me patience...and could you do it right now?

TAURUS
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.

GEMINI
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

CANCER
Dear God!!!

LEO
Yes?

VIRGO
Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.

LIBRA
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

SCORPIO
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the bastards don't deserve it!

SAGITTARIUS
Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

CAPRICORN
Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

AQUARIUS
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

PISCES
Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.