• An orgasm is a gland finale.

  • Don't tick me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

  • Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!

  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

  • The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

  • Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

  • Nonconformists are all alike.

  • HELP END POVERTY--EAT THE POOR

  • The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock

  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

  • Is your holier side your altar ego?

  • Virtue is its own punishment!

  • Do you think it's wrong to fake orgasm during masturbation?

  • ** I don't suffer from insanity...
    I enjoy every minute of it! **

  • I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

  • "I know I must be really good in bed, 'cause women always ask me if there's any possible way I could make it last longer." --Bill Hewins

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

  • After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?