World's 25 Shortest Books

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O.J. Simpson
24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres
22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman
19. THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore
18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
12. EASY UNIX
11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY
7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES-by the EPA
3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
And the Number one World's Shortest book:......
1. THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton

Christmas carols for the psychiatrically challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA- Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY- We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA- I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC- Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn ... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY- Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PARANOIA- Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
DEPRESSION- Silent night, Holy night. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE- Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,Jingle Bell...
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE- On the First Day of Christmas My Mother Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

Ten Ways to Know if You have PMS

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, How's my driving? Call 1-800-000-000
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7. You're counting down the days until menopause
8. You're convinced there's a God and he's male
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you insane
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.