I used to live in the real world, then I got evicted.

Quote of the day: Marriage is probably the main cause of divorce.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

It's not the pace of life that concerns me,
it's the sudden stop at the end.

Q: What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?

A:

1) They both cost about $100.

2) They both last about 30 seconds.

3) And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

"Fun Run" is an oxymoron.

Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

Guy: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
Girl: "What am I, a microwave?"

When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?

Clinton will always be listed in the reference books as the President after Bush.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.