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- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still a moron.
- Cover Me.... I'm changing lanes.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- Learn from your parent's mistake... Use birth control.
- Forget World Peace.... Visualize using your turn signal.
- He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
- Lottery-A tax on people who are really bad at math.
- it IS as bad as you think, and yes they ARE out to get you.
- Change is inevitable... except from a vending machine.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I love cats.... they taste just like chicken.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
- Jack Kevorkian for white house physician.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegitarian.
- Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- Real women don't have hot flashes they have POWER SURGES.
- Few women will admit their age..... Fewer men will act it.
- I don't suffer from insanity.... I love every minute of it.
- IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Time is the best teacher but unfortunately it kills all of it's students.
- It's lonely at the top... but you eat better.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality? Is that where the pizza guy comes from?
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Warning: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.
- We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things get alot worse.
- Always remember that you're unique... just like everyone else.
- Friends help you move.... Real Friends help you move bodies.
- Very Funny Scotty.... Now beam down my clothes.
- Puritanism-The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- Conciousness-That annoying time between naps.
- i souport publik edgukashun.
- Be nice to your kids. After all they will choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- There are 3 kinds of people.... those who can count and those who can't.
- Why is abbreviation such a long word?
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
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