You know you're drinking too much coffee when...

  • you answer the door before people knock.
  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  • you ski uphill.
  • you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • you lick your coffeepot clean.
  • your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • you chew on other people's fingernails.
  • your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
  • you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.
  • you can jump-start your car without cables.
  • all your kids are named "Joe."
  • you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
  • your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
  • you don't sweat, you percolate.
  • you buy Half & Half by the barrel.
  • you've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  • you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • people get dizzy just watching you.
  • you've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  • the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  • your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
  • instant coffee takes too long.
  • your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
  • you're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
  • you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • you short out motion detectors.
  • you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  • your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  • you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
  • you don't tan, you roast.
  • you can't even remember your second cup.
  • you help your dog chase its tail.