** Signs in the USA (mostly)**

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters"

On the menu of a restaurant: "Blackened bluefish"

In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the walls of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy"

On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."

In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church"

In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"

In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers: "Parking for birds only."

In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished"

In a laundry room: "Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: "Do not activate with wet hands."

In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin: "Crap - ...79/lb."

In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

At a number of US military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs"

In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

In a Pennsylvania cemetary: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On the grounds of a private school: "No trespassing without permission."

In a library: "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away."

On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."

On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon: "Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."

A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from the Transbay bus terminal: "Terminal Drugs"

From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good"

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head"

On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

In downtown Boston: "Callahan Tunnel / No end."

A sign on a front yard in York, Maine: "Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night."