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- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines
- Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Everyone has a photographic memory . Some just don't have film.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
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